One Simple Edit for Stronger Writing

How to stop telling and start showing for more emotive writing.

Working towards the release of my debut novel(la) is one of the most exciting yet scary things I’ve ever done. I spent years querying two different books, with no success. The process nearly broke me and my passion for writing. When I set out of the path of indie publishing, I finally felt free. I felt empowered in my writing, for the first time in a long time.

Photo by Jamie Hagan on Unsplash

But because I am publishing these books by myself and on a budget, I’m having to reach myself a lot of things—like editing. My background in writing is academic. I was a teacher and have a master’s degree in teaching.

In Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne & Dave King, it says—

You don’t want to give your readers information. You want to give them experiences.

This is a stark difference from academic writing, where the point is to provide information. Let’s just say it’s been a steep learning curve.

As I’m working through the line edits of my novella, the quickest way I’ve devised for finding this ‘telling’ language is by using CTRL+F. I’m using Reedsy to write my novel, but this also works in Google Docs, Microsoft Word, and Dabble.

When I’m editing out telling language and trying to create more emotive writing, the first word I search for is ‘feel’. The next two words I look for are ‘hear’ and ‘see’. (Of course, change these words to match the tense of of your novel.) I’m basically attacking after any part of my writing that is trying to tell the reader about the senses. I don’t want to tell. I want my reader to be immersed.

Here is an example of an edit I’ve made in Claimed by the Ash Prince…

Original

I can feel his breath on my neck and try not to focus on it.

Edit

His breath was hot on my neck, making it difficult to concentrate.

Another edit that was done while editing of the word ‘hear’.

Original

The prince’s chair scratches against the floor as he pulls out his seat. His eyes never leave my body. Those green eyes pierce through me like knives.

Edit

The prince’s chair scratches against the floor as he pulls out his seat. His eyes never leave my body. Those green eyes pierce through me like knives.

The goal of these edits is to bring the reader closer to the experience of the main character. The closer your reader feels to every scene in your book, the longer they will stay.

My hope is you’ve found this to be an easy and actionable way to improve your writing whether you’re learning craft or in the middle of edits.

- Charlie

P.S. My debut novella, Claimed by the Ash Prince, releases on February 25th. And it is this baby author’s goal to get 30 pre-orders. If you found these edits intriguing, you can find my book here.